I Did It For Me
by Sketch
Summary: A quick, slightly angsty from Riku's point of view about why he did all the things he did. July's (rather late) edition of my "oneshot of the month" thing.


**I Did It For Me**

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At first, I did it for them.

As I wandered through the darkness, battling with those who tried to make me stray from my path, my only thoughts were of them. Were they alright? Did they make it off the island safely? Would I ever see them again? Would they be able to survive the darkness?

My journey was arduous, and there were points where I was ready to give up and give in to the darkness that surrounded me. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that I knew that somewhere, my friends were waiting for me. That was all I needed to fight my way forward.

Then, I did it for her.

Sora abandoned us. He forgot us at the drop of a hat, making new friends to replace those he didn't feel like finding. Well, I had come too far and done too much to forget those I loved as easily as he. While I did feel some regret at losing someone I had trusted so much, it wasn't enough to slow my steps as I walked away.

I traveled the worlds, looking for her, calling out her name and asking any I came across if they had seen her. I ignored those who told me to give up, and those who tried to stop me were destroyed. I looked everywhere, until at last, I found her.

She was sitting on one of the columns, talking to a stunted little creature with the legs of a goat and the temperament of a hornet. As she laughed, I could have wept, so happy I was to see that she was alright. She hadn't suffered as I had to find someplace where she felt safe. She was happy.

When I called out to her, she turned and froze for a moment. I guess I didn't look too great after all the battles I'd been through. But that didn't stop her from running to me and slipping her arms around me. I embraced her as well, her name slipping out in a whisper as I fought back all the emotions that threatened to burst within me. At last, I could tell her how I felt, and how I had journeyed long and far to find her. How glad I was to see her safe and happy, and how I would stay by her side and protect her to the end. She pulled back a little, and looked up at me with concern in her eyes.

"Where's Sora?"

Of course. I had toiled to find her, risked my life and everything I had to come protect her, and she asked about him. Sora, who had abandoned us; Sora, who had moved on; Sora, who was a traitor.

I lied, and said I didn't know what had become of him. How could I tell her that the boy we thought we knew had turned his back on us, choosing instead to wander the worlds in search of adventure and entertainment? That he had forgotten us completely, and that he didn't care if he ever saw us again?

She looked upset when I told her that, and I vowed that I would find Sora and shake some sense into him. He was hurting her, and there was nothing I could do to make her happy. It wasn't enough that I had fought my way to be by her side; it wasn't enough that I was willing to do whatever she wanted; it wasn't enough that I would gladly force Sora to come and tell her he as alright, if only it meant she would smile again. She still only thought of Sora, and I was the best friend. The one she confided in, the one she looked up to, the one she could rely on to take care of things.

And she wanted Sora.

It was going to be for her alone, and I would have no regrets leaving the others behind. Then I saw him.

I had sat down on the Colosseum's cold steps, wondering what I could do to convince Sora to at least write a note, explaining to Kairi that he didn't care anymore. Kairi had left me to my own devices, going inside with the goat-man. People were milling about outside of the entrance, talking about games that were to take place in the near future. I ignored them all, staring out over the crowds, lost in my thoughts. It was the hush that fell over the crowd and the soft pad of boots on dirt that caught my attention, and I raised my head to see who was causing such a stir. My blood froze in my veins as the man continued on his way to the front gates.

The attire was different, but the right color. Black, He always preferred black. The aura was the same self-asserted, calm and collected air that never fell, even when He was in a rage. The walk was the same cat-like sway, giving Him the suggested appearance of a predator on the prowl. The hair, that silvery hue so similar to my own, fell in straight waves far past His shoulders. To not recognize Him, even at such a distance, I would have to be blind.

I stumbled from my seat, calling out His name.

As my voice rang over the silence, I had the giddy sensation that perhaps I truly had been mistaken, and this man was just another poor mortal lost on the road of life. The idea was dismissed as quickly as it came- there could only be one of Him.

The man paused, and for a long moment, the yard was silent, an intense scene about to be played out in front of a full house. I didn't care if we were alone or if everyone I'd ever know was there to witness the confrontation. It didn't matter who saw us, I was going to kill him. I drew breath to call out His name again, but the deceptively gentle voice I'd grown to hate cut through the heavy silence.

"It is not polite to address elders by their first name, boy." The elegant head turned, and I found myself staring into eyes I thought I'd never see again. He gave me a smile, a dark, evil smile that made me clench my fists in anger when I saw it. He noticed this and the smile widened. I glared back at Him, and the smile slipped, then He turned away. His voice, still quiet, came back to me as He opened the doors.

"Especially when that elder is your father."

A father! He had not been a father to me, nor a husband to my mother. He had left us, abandoned us to Fate as He went off to find victory in His mad lifelong quest to destroy His eternal rival. He hadn't turned as my mother clutched at the doorframe, begging Him not to go. He hadn't said goodbye, just picked up His sword and started walking. He had looked down at me and told me that if I grew stronger, I should find Him and avenge any wrongs I felt had been inflicted upon us. Then He was gone, and I gave Him up for dead.

Seeing Him made my blood boil. What kind of man goes off on an insane quest and tells His only son to follow in his footsteps someday? Especially when that son wanted nothing more than to kill Him on the spot? I wanted revenge. Revenge for my mother, revenge for all those nights she stayed up, watching the sea with that agonized look on her face. For the times she would cry when she didn't think I could hear her muffled sobs, and for the times when I looked up into her face, all she could see was Him, reflected in the face of her son. I wanted revenge for Him giving her a child- for leaving a permanent reminder behind of everything that could have been, but was lost when He left. I wanted revenge for me.

He turned and gave a final smirk as I glared at Him. And then He was gone again, disappearing into the shadows that draped themselves behind every pillar. The general noise level increased after another pregnant pause, and then the incident was pushed aside and forgotten in the hustle of the tournaments' preparations. I remained where I stood, all the black memories of my childhood roiling up inside of me until I could see nothing, despite the fact that I stood in the bright sunlit courtyard. The darkness was too great, and I succumbed to its gentle embrace.

It was in that darkness that I found my guide.

At first, I didn't trust the adults that cajoled and cooed and tried to seduce me to do their bidding. I didn't give a damn about them or their pathetic attempts to gain more power. I didn't care about princesses or doors or hearts or anything. I just wanted to be stronger so that I could hunt Him down and destroy Him. I would obliterate Him for ruining the life I had worked so hard to build up after He left with that single, self satisfied smirk. I would make Him know what it meant to lose sight of the light, and find nothing surrounding you but empty shadows of what was and what could have been. I would make Him see what it was like to be living your life in the dark.

I didn't trust the King when I first met him. Though the skin was darker, and his accent different, he still reminded me too much of Him. There was still that silky, dangerous tone that commanded those he spoke to effortlessly. There was still the calculating look behind every move, the graceful purpose in every stride, and the malevolent satisfaction every time someone quailed before him. But Ansem gave no pretense of actually caring for me, and for that I was grateful.

I learned much from him. Every time I opened my heart a little more, the shadows would deepen, and I felt myself becoming more and more like the one I despised. But I had to rid myself of everything that gave me joy- if I only concentrated on gaining power and allowed the darkness to feed my anger, I would be able to defeat Him. Riku might be gone, but so would He.

That was all that mattered.

Kairi returned to Sora and his friends, forgiving him for taking so long in going about rescuing her. And, surprisingly enough, she told him she was worried. Not about him, not about Wakka or Tidus or Selphie or anyone else who had been lost when our island blew away, but me. Me. That was enough to lighten the darkness in my heart- her fear for me cut a tiny ray of happiness into the shroud of misery that clouded my soul since the time I first saw Him again. And I knew in that instant that I would never be strong enough to defeat Him.

By that time, of course, it was too late. Ansem used me like a puppet, and my body became his tool to wield the awesome power that he possessed. I tried struggling against it, managed once to warn Sora, but there was still bitterness in my heart, and Ansem quickly snuffed my attempts to regain control.

In the end, Sora did it. He locked all the doors to the different kingdoms' hearts, and banished Ansem's darkness with a shower of light. I felt the stinging rays of light as well, and I blessed the fact that I was still myself enough to realize that through it all, they forgave me. I was stronger than Him, because I survived the darkness. I survived because of them, and He had no more hold on me.

I told Sora to take care of Kairi, and he nodded, the closed the door. I was left alone with the mouse-king, and another new adventure ensued.

I heard, during our travels, that He was defeated- not once but many times- by Sora, of all people. And that He finally found his rival. They had fought, as He had hoped, and, I suspect, He died, as He had hoped. I do not grudge the blonde man his victory over Him, but I still felt some sorrow when I heard of His demise.

Sephiroth might have been the demon that haunted me throughout my life, but He was, long ago, once my father. I suppose I mourned for the loss of what that man might have been, had He not left us in the dark, and I prayed that I would never follow in His footsteps like He told me to, so long ago.

Now, I am forgetting the shadows of my past and I'm seeking the light in my future. I think, Sora, ever the idiot, is out there, looking for me, despite the fact that I told him to watch over Kairi. At least I know that I have a place to return to at some point- not to stay, but to make amends, and put the past to rest. Mother needs to know, after all, what happened after He left.

Until I meet them again, I will continue fighting. I've finally figured out, though, these many years later, that not once did I really do any of it for any of them.

I did it for me.

finis

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_Quick note: I've read stories where Riku is actually Ansem's kid, then there are those where he's Sephy's kid. Either guy would be a pretty crappy person to have for a Dad, as both went bonkers towards the end of their lives. Both are hot, yes, but one doesn't judge parental abilities on a pretty face....;; I decided to go with the Sephy version because... well... ok, so I don't know why I wrote it like this. Sue me._

_And while you're busy suing me, leave a review! I always like knowing what other people think about my stories!!_

_Hope you enjoyed the fic, and thank you for reading!!_

_SLS_


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